here is the truth.
I want to do well, but maybe even more importantly than that I want to look at what I've done and say yes, this is the best I could've done with what I knew then. and then, maybe as an afterthought, I know better now. I'm trying. and I'm trying to let it be enough that I'm trying, and not let my failures discourage me from trying, and-- - Atlas
0 Comments
the sun bleeds on all of us,
can you not feel its endless love? can you feel the way it warps things, kills them, brings them to life? mostly just playing around with words - Atlas I am trying to say something to you,
but it feels abruptly as though my mouth has forgotten what it feels like to make sounds that make sense when heard together. only when I allow my walls to fall do I realize how little of myself I have allowed to escape until now. my thoughts do not know how to carry themselves, they stagger awkwardly around and bump into each other, wrinkled and unwieldy. but I love them, and I love you, and you don't seem to mind so I'll keep trying. this really went in 7 different directions, huh - Atlas oh, but today was liquid fire,
electric dawn, perfumed chemicals, whirling around in low light with no awareness of time. but it is late now, today is creeping into tomorrow. who knows what joys and sorrows that day might bring? this feels nonsensical (probably because it is) - Atlas another wave of failure
crashes into me. I adjust my stance and hope it's enough to last when the tide comes in. hrmmm - Atlas when I am disturbed
I find myself losing time. my head slips beneath the water and when I make it out, gasping for breath thirty minutes have passed. sometimes more. but sometimes there are things that must be felt before you can move forward. kind of ironic that this came like. the day after a poem about being aware of time passing--but then again, it's startling when you usually notice something and then suddenly you just... don't - Atlas I am keenly aware
of time passing. I notice it like I notice the breeze, brushing by in a whisper or a gale. it plays with my hair, tugs at loose clothing or pieces of paper. I cannot stop it. I should not want to. wanted to use a metaphor that wasn't "sand slipping through my fingers" - Atlas it's much easier to focus on the process
when you don't feel like your future hangs on the result. and yet focusing on process tends to yield better results and-- - Atlas one step at a time,
I move forward. my destination looks bright, though it seems to flicker and dim when I stumble. and yet my spirit yearns to dance. hrmm - Atlas I'm going to lose it all,
everything I've ever been given. I try to remind myself that it was all a gift, that I was never owed any of it. and it's true, and I still miss the way things used to be sometimes. and maybe part of growing up is just realizing that you can feel many things at the same time. soigh - Atlas |
Archives
June 2024
Categories |