I love the parts of me
that are crazy and daring but I also love the parts of me that are soft, that pay attention to when I might be pushing things too far, that tell me to ease into stretches rather than forcing things all at once. I guess what I might be trying to say is I want to give you only the best of me, and I'm not sure I can do that right now. would you wait for me? I'm pretty sure I could do it, but... not all at once - Atlas
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Sometimes I think about
Who I’ll be when I’m 80, and dying Desperate for just one more moment of life Lying on a bed, wishing for the smell of grass The sting of a scraped knee And the warmth of someone telling me That everything was going to be okay. If she could go back in time to this moment What and who would she pay attention to-- And I cannot say for sure But I think she would dance, So I do. I imagine her as having overcome Everything that I’m so afraid of Being kinder, and wiser, But still flawed-- Just better at being flawed. If I’m lucky, I’ll become her And if I’m not then at least I’ll have loved her As I know She would love me in return. it is fun when I actually put a bit of effort into poetry writing XD - Atlas I am lost in this
sea of endless possibilities I have come so far but at any point everything could suddenly become too much and pull me under I do not know, and I may not until it all is over for better or for worse - Atlas Sometimes I think I take
“Dress for the job you want” a little too seriously But in my youth, when I was always swathed In hand-me-down velvet dresses And always feeling like I was In someone else’s skin I craved for the freedom to shape my image, To appear in a way that would make people like me, Or at least Make me like myself. Now, on days when I want to be pretty I wear dresses, Suits on days when I want to stand up straight Reds on days when I search for confidence Grays when I just want to stay still. I experiment with layers, Jackets, Dresses and skirts Constantly shaping and creating The kind of person I want to be. I wear yellow On the days When I am looking for myself, When above all else I want to remember That I am someone I can come home to For the courage and resilience To start over, To be silly To make mistakes and still be okay. So when the barista at the coffee shop remarks “I love all your yellow,” I freeze for half a second Before smiling back and saying “It’s a very yellow day.” And it is. that feel when you do something that made you nervous, are successful, and then are left with a leftover pile of nerves that somehow haven't gotten the memo - Atlas sometimes I wonder
when people are looking for the meaning of life what meaning are they looking for? are they english majors, searching for similies and metaphors in some universal language? are they looking for an end to uncertainty, some sort of sign or direction to point them towards-- what, exactly? an end to suffering? is it not simply enough to know that you are alive, and that the odds are so small, your time so short and full of thousands of tiny things that make it sparkle, that make its silhouette unique even through its rough edges? kind of unfinished but I feel like there is a point in here - Atlas tell me something
you've never told anyone not because it was secret but because conversations never turn easily to that strange dream about the world ending when you were seventeen or the way you used to staple pictures into the walls and the marks are still there from where your parents had to pry the staples out tell me silly things, ordinary things, tell me who has changed you, who you want to be, wo you are. hmmmm - Atlas watching someone's destiny
twist and turn from afar is always a strange feeling. red and blue lights outside my window but they are not for me. it is catastrophic and it is tangential. a strange juxtaposition - Atlas and I will sing you a song
when it is time for me to leave it is not a song that you will understand but it is for you, only for you. on leaving home - Atlas tonight I dared to stand before the sky
and name the things that scare me all the things I love that I am afraid to lose every expectation I fear that I can never live up to. and when I ran out of things to say the echoes told me what I had said in reverse, of how grateful I am for the things that are still here and all the hopes I have for the future. every time I try to have a conversation with the universe I end up saying "thank you". perhaps I should try to do it more often - Atlas I look at you
nestled in blankets and think how perfect this moment would be if it could only last forever but it cannot. the sun always rises, and ends the quiet night - Atlas |
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