somehow I'm back again
in the same place I've always been. I took a different route to get here but I am still here, nonetheless. on trying to escape bad habits (I know, I know, backslides and failures are part of the process and can offer invaluable insights as long as you keep trying. but still. here I am.) - Atlas
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if you please,
could I have a spoonful of rest? oh, that wasn't enough. can I have another? another? another? uh - Atlas pain makes it harder
to do things. makes it harder to stay in the present. it's a lesson I've learned before, a lesson I'll learn again. and again. and again. hm - Atlas the next Thing I Need To Do
lurks in the corner of my vision always, like a monster that you wish was just a shadow. I forget him sometimes, but he always returns, often in the dead of night. bleh - Atlas I am beginning to develop
an awareness of the weight that holds the world together, tilts it in my favor. the luxuries, the conveniences, the simple ability to keep functioning in the face of hardship. I don't want to close my eyes. I don't know what to do with my hands. so I keep them folded tightly folded in my lap until I am alone until I can unwind these tangled threads without hurting anyone. ho hum - Atlas all this open space
has never felt so eerie the room is nice and so is the quiet but I feel like some lost bird flying loop-de-loops before a hurricane when all other songs have gone silent. do you know what I mean - Atlas I don't know,
maybe I'm being unreasonable. I'd imagine it happens to everyone sometimes. but something about this feels rotten, rotten to the core in a way I can't quite yet describe. I want to stay away from it but the world might force my hand, perhaps is forcing my hand, even now. is this the hill I want to die on? this little place, covered in stubborn dandelions, my home? I don't know. I want to live. but I will lay here for now in this place I've always known and I will watch the stars until they vanish into smoke. I think there's some potential in the second section but I'd want to polish it I think. it's about ai, not as we dreamed it but how it exists now. and all the sticky feelings that come with it. at least for me - Atlas we really are
so terribly lucky. I wish we didn't have to be. I didn't earn this wealth this safety-- no more than anyone else has, at least. I wish that this joy and peace was something everyone shared. I'll do my best to do my part, but my hands are fumbling and limited - Atlas I'm so grateful
you were born, and just as grateful that you've made it this far. every day has been and will be something to cherish and I fully intend to savor every minute. Happy Birthday! - Atlas maybe I don't
know anything actually, and that's okay, because I get to learn. I don't know. words are failing me and my body is not far behind. goodnight! (it was a loooong day. a good day! but LONG) - Atlas |
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