Selfishness
(A blind fire to which The world and all its people Are only kindling.) I don't know how long I have A lifetime, if I'm lucky Tomorrow, if I'm not. We all face that hooded stranger eventually He who will take everything from me I suppose I could be angry I could rage or cry or scream But it wouldn't change a thing. Life is like a music box When it winds down the music stops Whether the song is finished Or not. Poetry! Because I'm slightly better at it than 'regular writing'. Or at least I'm less self-conscious about it. -Atlas
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I want to write something
But I don't know what It's still light outside. Well, a little. It's raining. Thundering, too. I'm writing by the light of my computer screen (it's a little bit too dark out to write comfortably.) My favorite Spotify playlist is on. The song is Don't Look Back by Adi Goldstein, in case you're curious. It's peaceful, in a way. Outside the world is full of chaos--thunder and lightning and rain and awe. My room is an oasis of calm and warmth. Beyond time itself. Soft grey light covers the room. I don't want to lose this. This moment, right now. But it's ending. Going. Going. Gone. Hey, look! More terrible writing! (Are you really surprised?) -Atlas If there is a part of me
That exists separately from the world I have not found it yet Instead I was shaped from the songs of crickets From thunder in the skies The love in the eyes of another And the pain of their goodbye The world is full of pain and contradictions Too hard to understand Yet here I am A part of it From the beginning to the end. I'm not really sure if this makes sense. :/ -Atlas I am still
The same person I was Just older And while maybe then I did some things better I hope that you never wish to replace Any part of me With a memory It's kinda late and I spent most of the day traveling (sorry there's not more.) I like this more than a lot of the stuff I've written before in Ernest, though. -Atlas It always seems to last forever until it's over, doesn't it? You can never really appreciate something until you miss it, even if you know you're going to miss it.
Here I am. Right now. On the edge of a moment. The end of a memory. I don't want this to end. I want to hold onto every texture. Every sight and smell and sound. But I can't. The moment is ending. And I know that this ending is what will give my time here meaning. That this makes me grateful, makes me notice things I never did before. So then why is this so hard? Bleh. I don't like this much (read: at all) but I just have to work through it. I'll get better at this eventually -Atlas How far do you have to carry a shell before it no longer sings of the sea?
Maybe I am not going to be extraordinary. I'll outgrow my youth The summer days that seemed to last forever And trade them for aches and pains Crow's feet Gathering at the corners of my eyes. I'll become my parents. My quirks and flaws will be tempered by time. I might not love my job I might not find my soulmate But I'll make it work. I hope That I can learn to love the ordinary As much as the extraordinary. That I can live a peaceful, quiet life And be happy. The poem doesn't really feel complete yet. I'll (hopefully) edit it later. -Atlas Desert!AU-in which one character guides another character/group of characters across a dangerous and fantastical desert
Note: the guide may or may not be a desert spirit Hi. I'm dead. Well, my name's Kit, but I figured I should let you know right off the bat. That I'm. Y'know. A ghost. Don't feel bad for me or anything, though. I mean, it was a little bit freaky at first, but the whole walking-through-walls thing is pretty cool. I haven't figured out how to write stuff on the walls with blood yet, but I'm working on it. Oh. And I have a blog. It's my reason for 'not crossing over', I guess. I don't really remember dying that much--I was going to the grocery store to pick up a pint of ice cream for the finale of Stardust, when BAM! Semi-truck. Fun stuff. "Yo Adelaide! Mind turning down the TV? Trying to blog here." She's my roommate. She's a little bit kooky, but I guess you'd have to be to live with a ghost. She keeps trying to get me to introduce her to my 'ghosty friends'. Ha! Joke's on her. I don't have friends (living or otherwise.) Well, except for the ones back in Tennessee. But I don't talk to them much. And the guys online. Man, those guys are the best. So I'm not really planning to do anything with the 'ghost girl with an extremely popular blog' idea because I technically gave it to someone else, but heeeeeeey it was the only thing I could think of to write. I'll probably finish it for the sake of finishing it (yes I know it's terrible but I have to try). -Atlas Pencil on paper. That's all I can ask for.
Sometimes I am afraid to take up space. To bump into people. That's their space. Sorry. I'll get out of your way. I'm scared of being too loud. Or too quiet. Of being annoying or irrelevant--or not making enough of a contribution to count. But this place--this place is my own. I built it myself, with my own mind and my own heart and my own two hands. You can come and go as you like but at the end of the day this place is still my home. If nowhere else, here I belong. Maybe the reason my characters feel so flat is because I tried too hard to fit them to a concept, instead of making them real people. If that makes sense. I'll probably be musing a lot in this, just so you know. The point is to write--something, anything, even if it's just turning thoughts into words. -Atlas (Exercise)
Fel charges off without Avis, leaving her to fend for herself in the middle of the woods. She's scared, angry, tense, surprised, betrayed, determined to prove she can do just fine on her own, hurt, concerned Explosive - scream after him ("We're PARTNERS, d**n it!") Symbolic - startled by a bird and kills it Loyal - Runs after Fel Responsible/Stubborn - resolves to finish the mission with or without Fel Hurt - asks Kalla/Quix if Fel hates her after the mission Surprised - stares after him, frozen Scared - radios back to HQ asking what she should do Tense - draws her gun and keeps it out Notices that the moss/pine needles on the ground would muffle her footsteps...as well as those of someone trying to sneak up on her. Hey! I'm going to write my comments like this so you can tell them apart from my 'writing writing'. This is... terrible. Gah. But at least I wrote something, right? *cries* This was part of an exercise I found in a book, though. So there was a purpose to it. I think. (Sorry if all the names are confusing--I just used some of my OCs. I haven't posted any bios for them yet... :/) -Atlas This is raw.
Unfinished. Is it worth something? Depends on if I stick to it. I want to tell stories. But I need practice Persistence Faith. In myself In what I want to say. Words, don't fail me now. This used to be easy Before I was afraid. Afraid to make a mistake. Help me be brave (No.) (I am brave.) (Help me find the courage to continue.) (I am brave.) Can I really do this? Maybe. Time will tell. Every shell is beautiful to the sea. I am searching for an awareness of words. The shape of them in my mouth. Hissing, clicking, guttural, humming. Listening to their rhythm. Honesty and persistence. That's all I can ask of myself here. Let's go on a journey. I am curled up on the couch with the people I love and things are okay. This is different than drawing. I am not sure how to approach it. With thought? With intention? I expect too much of myself. I look at what I've done and think 'I can do better than that.' But the words choke on themselves Every time I try. Heh. Random, disjointed thoughts. But I am writing. Even if I can only write about myself. Yet. I cling to this word with my entire being. There is always a yet. I can't write Yet. I'm not good at drawing Yet. It promises a future A better tomorrow Where I'm a little older, A little wiser. Where every bit of struggling and suffering was worth it. Yet. One day I'll fail. One day I'll fall and I won't rise again. One day I'll be satisfied with mediocrity. One day I'll die. One day the darkness will win. One day the wonder will leave my eyes. But not yet. Here is your chance to turn back. [turn back] [do not] |
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