stones in a river become smooth
only because they are buffeted from all sides. it is only when we are faced with obstacles that we learn to overcome. even still, I hope you like your challenges. I hope you chose them. or at least, that you would not hesitate to do it all again in spite of them. mmm health-related anxiety is fun (also finals begin tomorrow! wahoo) - Atlas
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I hope I spend my time
in the right places, I don't want to live a life of regrets. but maybe it's about the quality of attention, maybe it's about enjoying wherever you come to rest. bluh. this barely makes any sense, and yet it still somehow manages to be easier said than done - Atlas I did it,
I faced it, and the shadows wrapped around me melted away like waves in the sand. I know I will not always win. but here I still stand, here I remain, and I will try again. ah, the return of the incoherent poems (but they do their job! which is to exist!) - Atlas tell me if it's too much or too little.
tell me if I'm doing it wrong. tell me if I'm focusing on the wrong things, and what the right things are. if there are any. as if somehow a thumbs-up could descend from the heavens and say "you're doing alright" - Atlas the soldiers have been
relieved of duty they are marching home. when they wake up in their own bed for the first time in years they will wait for orders that never come. things are ending (again, again, again) - Atlas let life change you.
trust that if you ever stray you will find your way back to the things that matter most if you keep your eyes open, your hands gentle. ...at least I hope. - Atlas I cannot seem to focus.
maybe I will soon remember how to sharpen my mind into something I can use but for now my mind flits from one image to another like a hummingbird that lost its train of thought. I missed taking a nap today T.T - Atlas sometimes everything frightens me.
how am I supposed to proceed from here? even if I knew whether my past decisions were right or wrong —which I don’t-- there is still no guarantee that the future won’t be something entirely different; or that the things that have always worked before won’t suddenly break, leaving me clutching at useless scraps that I cannot bear to part with. I try to focus on the present, the here and now, but then the months start passing. it be like that sometimes - Atlas do I dare to hope again?
it is all dust and rubble, now I could lie back in the dirt and never move again-- that’s a lie. however still I am, I know my eyes would still find a way to trace the movements of the clouds as they crawled across the sky. not particularly inspired by my mood, just wanted to write a "rising from the ashes" sort of poem - Atlas I want to give you
the fullness of my attention present and empty of all expectations, yet responsive, thoughtful, and-- I want to be so many things. I want to be everything, ideally without having to fail eight hundred times to get there. it's a good thing to strive towards but sometimes I find myself getting carried away and overwhelmed (but other times I wonder if I'm not trying hard enough) - Atlas |
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