all the light I have in me is only reflected
this is not to say that I am hollow or somehow false only that everything in me that is good was something I learned from the world. eh - Atlas
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I remember sometimes, abruptly
that I’m going to die that one day these hands will no longer be my hands that these eyes will no longer be my eyes. what am I supposed to do with that? I love being alive. there's a difference between knowing something and Knowing it - Atlas return to the math problem.
consider, for a moment, the wonders of analogy how this ODE problem describes the world unfolding, how if you threw a bottle with a message in it into the ocean you could use this math to figure out what shore it would wash up on do not consider the fact that no one getting good grades in math thinks like this (at least no one you know) I might want to expand on this someday - Atlas I scatter my mistakes behind me
like wildflowers. they might even have been beautiful if I didn’t have to live with them. but I'd like to learn to appreciate the things I'll spend my life with - Atlas I guess the sun will never set
at 8pm again, not unless I travel so far that day and night themselves are warped I am grateful that I witnessed it but I will miss it goodbye, daylight savings time (it really is funny how you can miss things you never even think about most of the time) - Atlas I’ve already had so many one more moments,
it seems selfish to ask for more. but my heart thrums in a steady rhythm, something like gratitude, fear, and longing for days that never end. one more sunrise, one more sunset. little specks of light against the endless dark it shouldn’t matter. it is, perhaps, the only thing that matters. - Atlas that’s the thing about growing up.
you watch people die. and then you see them still smiling, still laughing and cheering in movies and photographs, and sometimes you can almost forget. almost imagine that they’re still okay and laughing somewhere, like all the others you’ve loved and lost who are still breathing. almost, almost. hm - Atlas I was so
naive then. my dreams were so sweet. I think about that raccoon, the one who tried to eat a piece of cotton candy only to watch in dismay as the soft threads dissolved when it tried to wash its hands in the water. I should have known better. I was so determined to do better, and I didn't. and I didn't. and I didn't. (but if nothing else, even if my old dreams die, I aspire to learn from my mistakes and fail iteratively.) - Atlas ah, empathy is
an underrated skill-- to recognize that even if you haven't been in someone else's shoes that one day you could be. it is easier to be distant. it is easier to say "it's not my problem", especially when it isn't. yet - Atlas if I am going to fail,
then I have failed already. if you are going to think less of me, then you will think less of me already. what I was so afraid of has already come to pass. I have nothing to fear from looking in the mirror, nothing to fear from acknowledging the wreckage. now I am free. ...but rather than going down the apathetic route, I want to instead face the part of me that flinches when I start trying to improve--the part of me that doesn't want to admit how much space there is between where I am and where it wants me to be - Atlas |
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