struggling to do
more than the bare minimum. struggling to do even that. why is it like this all of a sudden? I don’t feel worse than before, except for the guilt and the fact that I am not doing the things I love. it is, perhaps, a self-causing problem (but what caused this self-causing problem??? why am I here) - Atlas
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when I am truly tired,
I become fully at peace with boredom I could stare off into space for hours and never reach for entertainment I find myself slipping into this state between each task as the hour grows ever later. yayyy tired - Atlas I guess that’s the point.
to have something you can do on your hard days as well as your easy ones. I hope that I am adapting, not sliding back. hrm hrm thoughts go brr (nonsensically, of course) - Atlas I don’t like reading the news much
these days. I don’t like being reminded of all the bad things that I can’t change. but sometimes I wonder if maybe it’s also because it reminds me of all the things I could change but don’t. forgive me if this is unclear or weird it is late and my brain is sort of in that foggy state - Atlas I am who I am
Who I’ve always been Who I’ve only been once Who I’ll never be again A slight variation of a thought/stanza that drifts into my mind somewhat often - Atlas Grief grabbed me by the arm
and made me turn around when I was so insistent on moving forward she looked at me with shining eyes and said, “you are alive, you have a chance to tell people you love them and maybe make the world a better place if you try, and you’re worried about embarrassment?” and I saw then for an instant the vastness of the void swirling around us the inescapable nature of dust how small it all is and how important I shed my self-consciousness like a cloak and for a moment, just a moment, I was able to imagine a world where I simply existed - Atlas I was so caught up
thinking about death. and it’s true, death is inevitable, it is a path we must all tread alone. but this is also true: we are here, now we are alive, now and that is something worth celebrating yeah - Atlas maybe I can’t
control my mistakes. but I can control how I assess and respond to them. …I think. the truth is I don’t have all the answers. maybe I never will. if you cannot wholeheartedly throw yourself into the unknown, wading in is fine I couldn’t find a good way to work in “probably, and for the best” after that last “maybe”, but know that it’s there spiritually - Atlas like a high-pitched violin note
the sound of stress is an undertone in all my daily undertakings although I know it hardly seems it I am the one in control I take a breath, I take a bow, and I let it go hrmmmm - Atlas right now,
everything is okay. it is not quite the same as it used to be, and it will certainly change in the future-- but right now, in this moment, everything is okay. and is that not the best thing anyone could wish for? just to be okay, in this moment - Atlas |
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